ADVERTISING GUYS ARE ROGUES

HAD AN ALIEN VISITED ADWORLD ANY MOMENT OF TIME, HE MIGHT EASILY HAVE CONCLUDED THAT AGENCY FOLK ARE ROGUES AND TWISTERS, AND THAT CLIENTS AND AGENCIES GET TOGETHER AT LEAST ONCE A DAY TO BICKER ABOUT MONEY. NEITHER COULD BE FURTHER FROM TRUTH.

CONFERENCE SPEECHES, ARTICLES, SNIDE REMARKS AND EVEN LETTERS IN THE TRADE PRESS HAVE REPEATEDLY HIGHLIGHTED RECESSION- INDUCED QUESTIONS ABOUT AGENCY COMMISSIONS, FEES AND MARK UPS. NOTHING WRONG IN THAT. TIMES ARE TOUGH, AND WE MUST CONTROL COSTS IN EVERY WAY WE CAN.HOWEVER, THE IMPLICATIONS OF ROGUERY SIMPLY  DO NOT GET WITH MY OWN EXPERIENCE OF THE BUSINESS.

IN THE 30 ODD YEARS DURING WHICH I WANDERED THE ADVERTISING VILLAGE, I HAVE COME ACROSS ONLY A FEW OUT-AND OUT SCOUNDRELS.

THE FIRST WAS A PRINTER I BECAME FRIENDLY WITH WHEN I WAS BUT A NAIVE LAD, WHO BOUGHT ME A POSH LUNCH AND DURING MY SECOND LARGE GIN AND TONIC-- THOSE WERE THE DAYS--SLID A BUNDLE OF HUNDRED RUPEES NOTES ACROSS THE TABLE SUGGESTING THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO QUOTE ALL FUTURE PRINT JOBS. I SLID NOTES BACK. HE PICKED IT UP AND STUFFED IN MY TOP POCKET. I PUT IT BACK ON THE TABLE AND SAID IF HE LEFT IT THERE, IT WOULD BE AN EXCEPTIONALLY GENEROUS TIP. HE POCKETED IT. I LEARNED THAT THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH.

THE SECOND SCOUNDREL WAS A MARKETING DIRECTOR WHO, IMMEDIATELY AFTER A MEETING, SAID THAT OUR AGENCY WAS APPOINTED SUBJECT TO AGREEING FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENTS. SUCH IMMEDIACY IS EXTREMELY UNUSUAL. TAKING ME OUTSIDE FOR A PRIVATE CHAT, HE SAID THAT HE AGENCY WOULD NOT NEED TO DO ANY PLANNING OR RESEARCH ON HIS ACCOUNT AS HE DID THAT HIMSELF- IN RETURN FOR A KICKBACK EQUAL TO FOUR PER CENT OF BILLINGS, TO BE PAID TO HIS PERSONAL CONSULTANCY COMPANY. I QUICKLY CHATTED WITH MR KURIAN AND IT WAS THE ONLY TIME WE HAVE WON AN ACCOUNT AND LOST IT WITHIN THIRTY MINUTES. WORTHY OF AN ENTRY IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS???